Objectives

I want to try to set some boundaries for myself. I suppose that will scare a few readers away. I know boundaries tend to scare me away.

As you may have noticed my blog has turned into a continued story that is working its way up into my life beginning with the younger years. The content will necessarily grow more mature as my age does. Also chapter five (5) will deal specifically with my father’s depression. As a result I want to make a move to provide a little more protection for myself, my dad and mom, and my immediate family. I did read all the words from the first six chapters to my wife and children several years ago. I also sent the words to my parents; my mom even provided some editing. Then I stopped reading to the children, to protect them. Eventually I stopped writing because I just could not go on with it. It just didn't seem like the Christian thing to keep writing. The next few chapters following chapter six (6) will grow darker as my life moves toward isolation. It will eventually emerge again into more light and certainly the last four or so chapters I've not even begun to write yet. Years from now I hope to present a more finished hard covered story set to my children; whether they read them or not is of course their choice; at least I’ve made a valiant attempt to lessen the number of family secrets perpetuated.

Back to those procedures that I hope don’t kill any interest that has managed to generate in my stories. I’d like to wait until April 15 (Lorilee’s last tax work day) to post chapter four (4). Then I plan to pause again until May 2nd (Trey’s birthday) to post chapter five (5). That will give those openly following the blog a chance to remove their names before it goes private. In addition anyone that may want to start following the blog as it goes private may add their names during April. As always, anyone who wants to receive email updates just needs to contact me via face book or my email address(brianchristner@hughes.net) and I will make sure that you get the updates when they come out. I'll have to figure out how the private blog thing works. I just think it will be easier for me to tell the stories that I want to tell if there is more control in the group of readers and I am actually able to envision more of who they are.

Actually I usually get consumed with living life in the present during the spring and summer months and so hopefully the chapters will begin to flow at a much slower pace until winter (death) rolls around again this year.

I hope to be able to continue to have readers; who will read what I write. I have tried to stop this process a 1,000 times since the writing started a few years ago. Then when I went public the 2nd thoughts of trying to stop the writing started again in full force, but I still did not have the energy to completely stop the writing. If it weren’t for readers my blog would be unfiltered and nothing more than a raw, angry, profane rant about the differences between the way things are and the way they should be from my perspective. Readers force me to filter and try to see things from a less selfish point of view. It is the readers that actually make the rant somewhat more palatable. I almost stopped again just last week but it was a public comment from my brother Sheldon that kept me going. Then last week I received a private comment from my sister Carla that will burn in me for a lifetime, probably never as strong as my anger for sure, but her comments will actually provide the light so that I can see my way through the darkness, even if it is ultimately the anger that gives me the unrelenting thrust. And last night my aunt Carolyn said three simple words, “Keep writing, Brian.” This compliment translates more as permission for me to push on. I trust Aunt Carolyn’s relationship with my mother enough to know that if Aunt Carolyn said “Stop writing, Brian” and I would continue on anyway the act would be similar to running through a stop sign in heavy traffic. That said I know that many are not as fortunate as me. One of my best friends will possibly never receive permission from his family to write. The breath to live must come from somewhere else.

Criticism is necessarily much more difficult to give and receive but I would like to try to handle some of it. I hope it comes from readers who have read carefully. Anything good can’t totally shy away from discipline. I know I struggle to give critique because it forces me to read not once but twice.

And so to summarize, after chapter four (4) posts I will pause for a moment to figure out how to take this blog private beginning May 1st 2009. Until then, give me a public or private comment if you want to receive updates.